The journey of self-discovery and personal progress has no roadmap. Each of us has a different set of directions and a different context through which it is experienced. If I have learned anything from the work I have done on myself and with others, it is that each person’s evolution is uniquely theirs, not to be imitated or duplicated.

On a call with one of my clients recently, I was reminded of some of the most impactful realizations I have learned about my own journey and thought it may be helpful to you, also.

So often in life we find ourselves at a point where we aren’t progressing at the rate we would like to be, whether it is in health, business, our finances, or our relationships. What makes matters worse is that we open up our phone to see the best version of everyone else’s life on social media…only to reflect even more critically on our own.

In these moments, we often choose one of two potential options:
(1) Be hard on ourselves for not making the progress we hoped by using shame and guilt to spur action; or

(2) We dig deep to find compassion for our present reality and understand that these tracks of shame and guilt are not helpful.

Unfortunately, for most of us, this is where the introspection end, likely setting ourselves up for repeated behavior in the future.

But, what if there was a way to incorporate compassion and direction? What if there was a way to accept and love ourselves for our present circumstances, while not being distracted away from the dose of reality we need to set ourselves up for a better future?

Buddha often spoke about the “Middle Way”, while Jesus lived among us “full of both grace and truth” (John 1:14).

How often do we find ourselves lecturing others on the direction they should be taking in their life while not meeting them with compassion where they are in the moment?

Conversely – while maybe not as common – how often do we hold compassion and love for others without having the courage to prompt them into the right action to help them avoid repeating their same mistakes?

Now, how often do you do one of these things to yourself?

Withholding love from others ruins any opportunity for real connection…which blunts opportunity for transformation.

Simultaneously, withholding wisdom removes an opportunity for that person to learn from your experiences and potentially right-track their lives.

Moving forward, I would challenge you to consider this when counseling yourself or counseling others. Meet them at the intersection of compassion and direction, of grace and truth.

First, receive that person from a place of love and acceptance. Do everything you can to understand why they are where they are and how it is impacting them. Then, after understanding the context for their troubles, do what you can to put them on the path to a better future, provide them with whatever direction you are capable of, from a place of love and not judgment.

This type of guidance is sorely lacking in our world. This is the type of guidance that can lead people away from shame and guilt and toward a life of purpose and progress.

But remember, before you are able to effectively do it for others, you need to look inward and find yourself at that same intersection.

You are worthy of love and compassion. And you are also worthy of direction. Don’t be afraid to offer yourself and others an equal dose of both.