Nothing causes more psychological paralysis in sales (and life) than the desire for others to like and accept us. 

Last week, a client acknowledged that he "just didn't realize how much my desire to be liked comes back to bite me all throughout the sales process. It just never goes away."

So often in sales, we embrace the positive aspects of our inherent desire to be liked by others.

It CAN be valuable!

It can help us summon the courage to genuinely want to help others and to be seen as a valuable part of their life or their business.

It can help us focus on their interests and put others first.

But more often than not, the desire to be liked causes us to show up inauthentically.

We don't say things because we mean them, we say them because we think that is what the other person wants to hear.

We don't ask the tough questions.

We don’t get to the truth.

We don't get the clarity we need and the prospect deserves.

We become "Nice" instead of "Kind".

When we focus on being liked, we are prioritizing our feelings in that moment over the prospect's future. In sales, and in life, your primary responsibility isn't to be liked.

It is to contribute.

You will likely never rid yourself of the desire to be liked. That's OK! Here are a few ways you can navigate this part of your life moving forward:

Become more aware of it
How often are you in a conversation personally or professionally where deep down you’re hoping the person likes or approves of what you’re doing? We’ve been behaving this way unconsciously since the first day of school in kindergarten, and it’s become a part of our life experience since. But it doesn’t have to be! When you notice this, pause in the moment and ask yourself, “If I were to behave in a way that would genuinely help this person, what would I do or say?”

Notice the difference in your authentic self and your inauthentic self
Our desire to be liked gives our power away and puts our faith in the hands of someone else. Any time this happens, it creates an anxious and stressful feeling in our bodies. Whenever we’re in stress, we’re pinched off from who we really are and how we really want to show up. Remind yourself that on a scale of 1-10, you’re a 10, whether this person likes you or not. Show up in a way that feels totally secure in who you are and how you want to communicate. 

Make small changes to take back your power
Just like everything in life, this is a process. It takes years and years to recondition ourselves after decades of behaving in this way. Challenge yourself to make small changes as often as you can and give yourself grace when you have bad days or bad moments. Leave the shame, the guilt, and the judgment behind. Just show up as best you can each day, for yourself and for others. 

Questions? Email me at [email protected]