We spend much of our business development lives wondering why those wonderful, mature conversations we have with prospective clients still leave the business relationship with an unstable and uncertain status. As often as not, that instability is caused by a false impression created by communications that sound very solid. The conversations are conducted with mature and sophisticated voices, adult sounding vocabularies and, seemingly, information and intent-filled content! Ah! An Adult Conversation!

A participant in such a dialogue might have the impression that much is being accomplished and productive results will follow. It was never words-by-the-pound that closed a sale, although I think I’ve seen buyers, worn out by sellers who buy out of self-defense.

If asked, most professionals would say they were hoping to have an Adult-to-Adult conversation with their prospective client. From the standpoint of information exchange, at its basic level, that makes sense. When one professional attempts to acquire another as a client, that desire may become unrealistic.

As you’ve read in Chris’s Blog, the Adult Ego State is a logical setting. Discussions in the true Adult Ego State are based on trust. Without trust, even if the tones and vocabulary sound Adult there’s a pretty good chance that the information exchanged does not meet the criteria (just the facts) of an Adult conversation.

That information supports the acronym ABLAT! Cynically, one of my favorite cautions: All Buyers Lie All the Time. They lie to protect themselves and do so until trust is formed between the buyer and the seller…which often doesn’t happen till the seller has jumped through many hoops. And jumping through those hoops doesn’t guarantee a sale!

Although relationship sellers will tell you that’s why they spend so much time getting the buyer to like them, I will tell you that is not always efficient, effective, or possible. (It can also be disingenuous.)

Instead of trying to get your prospect to “like” you, use the tools you are provided to help build trust.

Transactional analysis is one such tool. Typically, the buyer is very guarded in the early stages of the 1st appointment. They will use Adult words to get the information from you that they want. Most of their feelings, though, come from the Critical Parent.

     Buyer: Glad you’re here! Tell me something about your company and why you think you can help us! (You can almost feel them pointing their finger at you.)

Your immediate response MUST be to fall back into the Nurturing Parent.

     Seller: I’m happy to. Before I do can I ask you about the issues you feel are causing you problems?

That simple sentence, administered with softening tones and nurturing physical movements, moving you into the Nurturing Parent will trigger in the Seller a response, moving them into the Compliant Child.

     Buyer: Well, we’ve had a lot of trouble, lately, with ___________.

It may take a phrase or two more and when you feel the Buyer move into that Compliant Child, continue with your Nurturing Parent role.

About 60-70% of your selling should come from your Nurturing Parent, to build trust. Save your Adult for later!