Shoulda’, Coulda’, Woulda’: Randomville

You try a SAYA sale and it doesn't work the way it was supposed to.

1. What actually happened and why? 
2. I wish I woulda’...!
3. Now that it’s over, what could I do? 

Send me a selling situation you’ve encountered that didn’t go the way you expected. I’ll attempt an autopsy what could help you and others to avoid those pitfalls. 

Recently, when debriefing a sales call, the Seller, Martina, told me she had gotten a “No." Good for her! A “No” is one of the four positive results of a sales professional’s efforts: Yes, No, Clearly Defined Future or a Lesson Learned.

As she spoke to me she didn’t seem very disturbed by the No. Instead she said “The quicker I can get these No’s out of the way, the quicker I’ll get to a Yes!”

Ah. I see! The old theory - sooner or later I’ll find a Pony!

I've got a story for you about the Pony Joke. It's one of Ronald Reagan's favorite jokes.

The joke concerns twin boys of five or six. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities – one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist – their parents took them to a psychiatrist. 

First the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. 'What's the matter?' the psychiatrist asked, baffled. 'Don't you want to play with any of the toys?' 'Yes,' the little boy bawled, 'but if I did I'd only break them.

Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands.

'What do you think you're doing?' the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. 'With all this manure,' the little boy replied, beaming, "there must be a pony in here somewhere!"

Where were we? Oh, yeah, Martina and the belief that if she got enough No’s she’d get a Yes! Martina is living, with many other amateur salespeople, maybe even you, in Randomville.

The picture in my mind is of a cold, dank room somewhere beneath the surface of the earth where there are thousands of primates (chimps, gorillas, woolly monkeys...all sorts of primates). They're in long lines, somewhat disorderly, as you can imagine 'cause they are monkeys. When each individual gets to the front of the line she/he is given a dart to throw at a board with a title above it. Some examples of the titles: "What's the weather going to be tomorrow?"; "Who's gonna' win the Super Bowl?"; "Who's leading in the polls for leading presidential candidates in Butte, Montana?" and my favorite, "What are the odds I'm gonna' close the X,Y,Z Co. account?" Then each monkey excitedly dashes to the end of the next line to throw another dart.

I believe many sales people live in a town known as Randomville, where the most successful retail store is called Excuses 'R' Us and "Happy Hour", at the local bistro, is from 8 AM to 5 PM. The coin of the realm in Randomville is stamped with the saying "In Prospects We Trust" and the credit card company's promise is "I'm certain this will be good by next week if I can get ahold of the guy!" The most successful medical practice is the plastic surgeon who features Happy Ear Reduction and most of the folks in Randomville have that procedure at least once a quarter! The most unsuccessful yard care company is Hank's Pipeline Septic Service (because very few people ever purge their pipelines.)

I could go on except my editor won't allow me to, as I have a hard stop in 2-minutes, to spend the next hour shuffling my stack of business cards to find the best “lead“.

Do you live in Randomville?