I once was watching TV with a friend and there was a news report of a life that was taken far too soon. The family shared their reflections of their son and spoke about him in glowing terms.

The person sitting next to me on the sofa said,

“Sometimes it’s so silly. Anytime anyone dies, all of a sudden people speak of them like they should qualify for sainthood. I have a hard time taking that stuff seriously.”

It was difficult for me to raise an objection, as callous as it sounded.

I didn’t agree with the tone or the intent of the statement, but the observation seemed like a pretty accurate one, at least based on my life experiences.

And that got me to turn to him and ask the question that went unanswered…

“So…why do we always wait until the eulogy?"

In this high-speed, fast-paced, overly stimulated world we live in, we have a tendency to lose sight of what is really important to us…the people.

Science has more or less proven that happiness does not exist without the power of relationships…which begs the question…why are we so cynical towards those most important to us sometimes?

Recently, I had a conversation with someone close to me in which this person was detailing the shortcomings of the friend that they were frustrated with. They were getting themselves worked up specific over shortcomings and slowly beginning to sabotage their relationship with this friend because of the myopic view with which they were currently “experiencing” the relationship.

It was difficult to listen to.

The shortcomings were so incredibly magnified, while the love, care, and connection this friend offered the other 98% of the time was seemingly dismissed, as though these gifts should be expected, taken for granted.

And from what I know about this person, the other 98% is rarely, if ever, acknowledged.

In that moment I was able to adequately answer the unanswered question from a few weeks prior when I had asked, “So…why do we wait until the eulogy?” 

The answer? Our own insecurities blind us from the undeniable truth of life. Our relationships and people in our life are everything. And that shit is scary to think about sometimes. This vulnerability finds us running away from what our heart wants, beating it away because recognizing how truly great the people in our life are will only make it that much harder when they don't act like it, or worse, they are no longer with us.

Because of this, we maintain certain expectations for people.

We can be quick to criticize and slow to thank.

We expect people to care about our problems and feelings as much as we care about our own, while we give little attention to what may be going on in their world.

We pine for empathy from others while hoarding ours, afraid that we may run out.

It is only after that 98% - the love, connection, and care...the relationship – is gone, that we realize just how much we took it for granted. In those moments of desolation we are forced to reflect upon the impact of that individual, knowing that it is gone forever.

Don’t wait until it is too late.

All of the things you would include in the eulogy are still true today, right now, in this moment.

DON'T WAIT UNTIL THE EULOGY.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone and acknowledge and appreciate the amazing gifts your friends and family provide for you on a regular basis. Don’t take any of it for granted. Life is fleeting. All of it.

If you can do this, you will find yourself quick to thank and slow to criticize;

Eager to empathize and reluctant to scorn;

Seeking to understand instead of being understood.

You will find yourself writing their eulogy every day in your head, in one of your 50,000 thoughts that clutter your mind each day.

It will change everything.

Please don’t wait until it is too late.